18 January 2012
So we were robbed.
Indeed. They came through the open kitchen window and were very selective. So selective that they spent time out on the patio organizing what to take and what to leave. They lined up my wallet, Michelle’s purse, my iPad keyboard, her waist pack, and even made a small stack of receipts from my wallet on the concrete edging of the raised garden bed outside. Possibly obsessive compulsive thieves.
They took all of our cash - about $700 Belize ($350 US), a phone, and a credit card. They left our passports, my keyboard, my dad’s prescription, and our purses behind.
Maybe the bag they brought with them to carry their spoils was very small.
Fitting for a strange robbery is the stranger twist that they called me later. The thieves. I was with my friend Fabio bemoaning my situation and borrowing his phone to cancel my credit card when my name appeared as an incoming call. Susana.
What can you do but answer when the thief himself calls? Maybe it was about a ransom. Leave 12 corn tortillas in a brown paper bag on the corner if you ever want to see your phone again.
It was not a ransom call after all, but a pocket-dial. The thief had somehow not only pocket-dialed, but pocket-dialed Fabio’s phone, which was (of all of the 25 numbers in my phone that could be pocket-dialed) the phone I, the thieved, was using to cancel the card the same thief had in his pocket, probably next to the pocket-dialed phone, getting demagnetized as we listened. What could possibly be stranger than this? (Besides the line up of non-stolen goods on the garden wall, of course.)
We heard them walking briskly, breathing heavily. Maybe they were going uphill or maybe they were portly. We don’t know. A lot of dogs were barking at first and they spoke in Spanish.
“Vamos,” I heard (Let’s go.) So there were several of them. We did not gain any further evidence from our eavesdropping or new insight into their thieving ways.
How could this fiasco happen?
It’s not that we weren’t home when we were burgled. It’s that we couldn’t be bothered. It was 8:30 p.m. I was in the shower. My dad was sleeping in his room. Michelle was upstairs. The dogs alerted us but it was such a short alert. Something *quieted* them. Maybe they knew the Thieves. (Just at lunch, my friend Sarah had said that Belizean criminals conduct all of their business in their backyards...meaning if someone robs you, look first to your neighbors. Nice.) Or maybe the thieves brought morsels for the dogs. Bribes. Eli would give up my purse in a minute for a shred of something chickeny. Even a cat food kibble would have swayed him to give up the phone.
We have five to six dogs here at all times. We have become accustomed to ignoring their ruckus. Since it was a short ruckus. I did not leap from the shower to see what was the matter. (Which was probably best for me in the end in any case.) I just rolled my eyes at the Barking. Then I came out of the shower and Michelle was on a hunt for her purse. Where had she put it? Oh, here it is, outside. On the garden wall.
“Susan, here’s your keyboard,” she said.
What? This was the Sign of Foul Play. It’s one thing to absentmindedly lay your purse aside as you open the door, but my keyboard has no place laid out in the elements by the garden. And thus we discerned that we had been robbed by a band of fastidious thieves. All of the rejected items that they did not steal lined up, rather evenly, in a row on the garden wall. (Recall the stack of receipts from inside my wallet set neatly beside.)
Michelle called the police. I left the scene of the crime.
This was last night. Today was a different story. The crime had sunk in. We felt Uneasy about the house and the brazenness of the act with all of us home - canines and people. My friend Tom, in the U.S., went to the bank for me and made sure my credit card was canceled and tried to get a new one issued. It had been my only access to Cash in Belize. And my phone numbers for friends in Belize are gone, until I run into them one by one on the street again… I was supposed to move this morning to a lovely house in the village of Kontiki, down the road, which has an acre of manicured lawn surrounded on all sides by Jungle. Should I move to so remote a house alone with two dogs when this is what happens with three people and five dogs afoot? I asked for another day to consider the house.
It is gated and the house is barred. The dogs can run free there. It’s another “little cabin in the south” for me (after my log cabin at the foot of the mountains in Asheville, N.C.). I likely still will take it, but it took awhile to come around from alarm and fear and loss (and anger) about the robbery to Gratitude. We did not get hurt. We did not walk unaware into a room with several banditos assessing the contents of our purses only to be shot or macheted or just scared face to face. The pups were not beaten or poisoned or harmed. We did not lose our passports. The thieves didn’t really inconvenience us that much. They just Took Our Money. And, as I think of that, if God should allow banditos run off with money He has provided for me, He will still make sure I have everything I need.
Gratitude changed my perspective, which freed me up to have the presence of mind to recognize Fear. I haven’t felt a speck of fear in Belize. I am not naive about Danger and the world-wide prevalence of ne’er-do-wells. I have 15 or so years of living in the inner city of Minneapolis informing me. But when someone puts your computer keyboard out in the garden, you start to wonder what other mad capers could happen. It would be easy to let fear take hold about a myriad of things. And fear begets fear, it is a spiral down. Wisdom is one thing, being smart about how you conduct yourself; but fear is what keeps you from living because something might Go Wrong. You have to be willing for some things to go wrong to have any contentment in life.
The only counter I know to fear is trusting God. With your circumstances and possessions and Belizean cash and pup dogs and sanity and your heart. It doesn’t mean someone won’t take it (or break it). It means it doesn’t matter if they do because God holds all of the cards, not me. And He promises that whatever happens - robberies or border crossings or flat tires on the ferry (you haven’t heard that story yet) or melanoma - good (very good) will come from it. For me. I rest in ways I could not otherwise rest if I did not believe that.
Now I’ve taken all of this time to tell you about the burgling and so many other stories lay in wait about our adventures and friends in Belize. But I’m weary tonight. My dad and Guthrie are snoring on the bed, the screaming kids on the playground toys next door have just gone in to their guest house, and I am thinking sweet thoughts of what lies ahead for me in Belize.
May the foolish thieves get help for their obsessive ordering of non-stolen goods during their escapades. And, actually...may all of their needs be met. May their families have enough to eat. And may the money they stole somehow be a greater blessing to others than it ever would have been, being spent from my wallet. As long as it’s gone, it may as well go for good...
Love and adoration and blessings to you from the tiny and culturally curious country of Belize,
Your Susanna
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Jaguar Kisses and Other Ponderings
My dad is sleeping in the hammock at the house replaying in his mind the fat rough tongue of the jaguar licking and licking his forehead through the cage yesterday at the zoo, before opening his big teeth and drooling jaguar saliva down onto our jeans, waiting for his chicken leg reward. How I love the glory of wild cats. I wonder what they would charge me to sit in the human cage inside his pen all day and just watch him move around me in all of his Majesty.
Michelle, our hostess, and Fabio, our friend from Italy, came with us. Fabio drove us all in the Subaru. (What an excellent car for Belize.) I have been driving and driving for weeks. Months. I never thought about what a relief it would be to simply ride. To gaze out the window, to turn around and talk to my dad or Michelle, to have the freedom to observe more than just other cars. To not be Responsible for the speed bumps. The ever present yet somehow unseeable Speed Bumps.
After the zoo, we visited Michelle's site where they are building a green, natural living community on 30 acres of jungle and Mayan mounds. This was my dad's first visit to the jungle. Michelle's caretaker Juan had marked off a walking path and planted all sorts of flowers and transplanted wild orchids everywhere. It was a great day with friends and I think my dad's first Wonderful experiences in Belize. We needed a wonderful experience. He and I, both.
I have been missing something. Like my vision for this great escapade. Why did I come back to Belize, again? Not wanting to have left in the first place? Why did I think it was such a great idea to bring my 89 year old dad to a developing country? What, again, is the point? I have been in a blur. The stress of the trip was too much. Not what I am supposed to be having in my life in this season of Fighting Cancer. And it did not subside once we arrived in Cayo. How I have needed a Great Recalibration and haven't had the breath to find it.
Trust. In the Lord. With all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways Acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.
What a crazy promise. He will direct my path. Put me back on track. Give me the vision. I notice that the only Negative thing, the only what-not-to-do item is about me: Don't rely on how I see things.
But my own understanding is so astute. It seems like He would need my help to assess things. Maybe I could address things as I See Fit and He could just bless it all. Bless whatever I want. Yeah. (That is possibly where I went off the road before...)
I seem to love to fantasize about life being all about me. And, ironically, as good as that sounds, this is the source of most of my pain. Unreasonable Expectations. What brings me joy and makes life exuberant and full of awe is when I am focused on Him. Because He focuses on me. And I don't have to. It's the difference between the one you love saying "Do it yourself" and saying "I have already taken care of it for you." One way, life is hard and up to me. The other way, I am blessed, cared for, moving in the flow of beauty and what is good that has been laid before me. Not worried about myself because someone else is. My eyes are free to see it and my hands are free to touch it because, like a trip to the zoo, I am Not Driving.
It took about 11 days for me to stop lamenting in my own head that nothing was going right and I was not right and we came all this way and my dad Didn't Seem to Like Belize and I was living with Five dogs not Two, and with People not alone. People who talk out loud when I am busy thinking in my own mind. Can you imagine the audacity? Oh my. So every little thing has been an adjustment.
And what I needed was a little trust, according to that verse. I didn't feel untrusting, but I didn't Act trusting. The kind of trust that says, I defer to You because Your judgement is better than mine.
The original vision for coming back to Belize was to continue my health regimen to Fight Cancer. To bring my parents away from the ice and snow of winter. To Write a Book. To let God continue to Expose and Uproot cancers of the spirit, more perilous than any melanoma, which is perilous enough. I wrote about this in August...
Part of the problem of keeping (even remembering) the Original Vision is that I don't actually want to think about cancer anymore. I don't want to follow my health regimen. It is inconvenient to me and everyone I spend time with. I don't even know if I want to write squat. I certainly don't want (on the surface) for God to be exposing more frailties in me that He wants to fix. I would rather (on the surface) live with an Idealistic View of Myself and never address anything; live in willful ignorance.
Except that it is so beautiful when He transforms a little aspect of me; and it is so ugly when I Pretend Not to See and carry on in my dysfunctional ways as long as I can get away with it. I sometimes put up resistance, but in the end, the draw toward beauty eventually and always wins.
Well, at least now I realize that I have been Avoiding the Original Vision. Eleven days of tripping on the jump rope of life that is Belize and finally I say, Ah, my heart hasn't been in it. I need to want this.
So, we saw the zoo. Spider monkeys and jaguars and giant tapirs and brilliant squawking birds. We saw Michelle's jungle property. Tomorrow we will visit a Maya ruin. Maybe Friday we will go to Cave's Branch and see more orchids and have Tea and go to the old world Mennonite community of Springfield to buy cream from Isaac's son at his dairy. I told you about Isaac in August - the dentist in a community without electricity. (I had to say it again because it has such great shock value.) Ok, horse-powered electricity. Then, I will make Butter. Next week, I will try to arrange for us to go to the sea and snorkel.
But tonight, I am thanking God for everything good in Belize. For wonderful friends I have made here. For a beautiful place to stay with Michelle. For good health for both my dad and me. For dogs who come back even after they've leapt through window screens like superheroes on an important mission. For the amazing patience and faithfulness of God...
Rebounding from Weary, Just Shy of Rejuvenated,
Susanna en Belize
Michelle, our hostess, and Fabio, our friend from Italy, came with us. Fabio drove us all in the Subaru. (What an excellent car for Belize.) I have been driving and driving for weeks. Months. I never thought about what a relief it would be to simply ride. To gaze out the window, to turn around and talk to my dad or Michelle, to have the freedom to observe more than just other cars. To not be Responsible for the speed bumps. The ever present yet somehow unseeable Speed Bumps.
After the zoo, we visited Michelle's site where they are building a green, natural living community on 30 acres of jungle and Mayan mounds. This was my dad's first visit to the jungle. Michelle's caretaker Juan had marked off a walking path and planted all sorts of flowers and transplanted wild orchids everywhere. It was a great day with friends and I think my dad's first Wonderful experiences in Belize. We needed a wonderful experience. He and I, both.
I have been missing something. Like my vision for this great escapade. Why did I come back to Belize, again? Not wanting to have left in the first place? Why did I think it was such a great idea to bring my 89 year old dad to a developing country? What, again, is the point? I have been in a blur. The stress of the trip was too much. Not what I am supposed to be having in my life in this season of Fighting Cancer. And it did not subside once we arrived in Cayo. How I have needed a Great Recalibration and haven't had the breath to find it.
Trust. In the Lord. With all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways Acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.
What a crazy promise. He will direct my path. Put me back on track. Give me the vision. I notice that the only Negative thing, the only what-not-to-do item is about me: Don't rely on how I see things.
But my own understanding is so astute. It seems like He would need my help to assess things. Maybe I could address things as I See Fit and He could just bless it all. Bless whatever I want. Yeah. (That is possibly where I went off the road before...)
I seem to love to fantasize about life being all about me. And, ironically, as good as that sounds, this is the source of most of my pain. Unreasonable Expectations. What brings me joy and makes life exuberant and full of awe is when I am focused on Him. Because He focuses on me. And I don't have to. It's the difference between the one you love saying "Do it yourself" and saying "I have already taken care of it for you." One way, life is hard and up to me. The other way, I am blessed, cared for, moving in the flow of beauty and what is good that has been laid before me. Not worried about myself because someone else is. My eyes are free to see it and my hands are free to touch it because, like a trip to the zoo, I am Not Driving.
It took about 11 days for me to stop lamenting in my own head that nothing was going right and I was not right and we came all this way and my dad Didn't Seem to Like Belize and I was living with Five dogs not Two, and with People not alone. People who talk out loud when I am busy thinking in my own mind. Can you imagine the audacity? Oh my. So every little thing has been an adjustment.
And what I needed was a little trust, according to that verse. I didn't feel untrusting, but I didn't Act trusting. The kind of trust that says, I defer to You because Your judgement is better than mine.
The original vision for coming back to Belize was to continue my health regimen to Fight Cancer. To bring my parents away from the ice and snow of winter. To Write a Book. To let God continue to Expose and Uproot cancers of the spirit, more perilous than any melanoma, which is perilous enough. I wrote about this in August...
Part of the problem of keeping (even remembering) the Original Vision is that I don't actually want to think about cancer anymore. I don't want to follow my health regimen. It is inconvenient to me and everyone I spend time with. I don't even know if I want to write squat. I certainly don't want (on the surface) for God to be exposing more frailties in me that He wants to fix. I would rather (on the surface) live with an Idealistic View of Myself and never address anything; live in willful ignorance.
Except that it is so beautiful when He transforms a little aspect of me; and it is so ugly when I Pretend Not to See and carry on in my dysfunctional ways as long as I can get away with it. I sometimes put up resistance, but in the end, the draw toward beauty eventually and always wins.
Well, at least now I realize that I have been Avoiding the Original Vision. Eleven days of tripping on the jump rope of life that is Belize and finally I say, Ah, my heart hasn't been in it. I need to want this.
So, we saw the zoo. Spider monkeys and jaguars and giant tapirs and brilliant squawking birds. We saw Michelle's jungle property. Tomorrow we will visit a Maya ruin. Maybe Friday we will go to Cave's Branch and see more orchids and have Tea and go to the old world Mennonite community of Springfield to buy cream from Isaac's son at his dairy. I told you about Isaac in August - the dentist in a community without electricity. (I had to say it again because it has such great shock value.) Ok, horse-powered electricity. Then, I will make Butter. Next week, I will try to arrange for us to go to the sea and snorkel.
But tonight, I am thanking God for everything good in Belize. For wonderful friends I have made here. For a beautiful place to stay with Michelle. For good health for both my dad and me. For dogs who come back even after they've leapt through window screens like superheroes on an important mission. For the amazing patience and faithfulness of God...
Rebounding from Weary, Just Shy of Rejuvenated,
Susanna en Belize
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